Most days, I feel like a grown-up. You know, paying bills, working a day J.O.B., keeping a house maintained, remembering to pick up milk, getting the laundry done, scheduling oil changes for the car, and making my own doctor’s appointments. After all, I’ve been doing this stuff for somewhere around 35 years or so. I should have this stuff down pat.
I’m known for keeping a calm head in panic situations, and in fact, people rely on me to maintain that level of calm through any stressful or crisis situations. I have been this way all my life, even when I was a teenager. It isn’t until later, when I am alone and out of the crisis situation, that I can allow my internal panic alarm to activate and work its way out of my system. No one ever really knows.
But as a writer, I don’t always feel much like a grownup. I am constantly worried about whether people will like what I’ve written, feeling seriously aggrieved when there is criticism or requests for editing. I am often paralyzed by this fear, sitting with my fingers over the keyboard unable to write a single word that doesn’t sound awful in my head. No one is going to like it. My editor is going to scratch it out with a red pen. Worse, my publisher will not buy it. I am a loser.
That panic keeps me from being productive when I should be being productive. As I head into a new year, with the same goals from last year (finish the damned manuscript!), I don’t feel any more capable than I did last year. There has been no magic switch.
But as a grownup, I know how to fix it, or at least, how to attempt to fix it. When I feel incapable, I know much of it is because I feel like I don’t know enough. I know enough to panic, but not enough to actually move forward. So this first month of the year will be mostly about getting my crap together, boosting my skills, and learning as much as I can before I dive back into the current story, with the hope of finishing it.
I definitely have my work cut out for me. As I pointed out last week, I have a few things I’m working on, and will be trying. Today I will get my big white board out and see what I can do about that whole goal/motivation/conflict thing for my characters. My writing journal, where I will record my successes and failures about writing every day, is ready to go.
Now, let’s just see if I can act like a grown up and get this thing done! 🙂
As always, I’m happy to hear your comments, suggestions, helpful tips, smacks to the head, whatever it takes to get me going on my goals!
Fairest of the Faire – available now!
Schoolteacher Connie Meyers is suddenly a young widow, her husband killed in a horrific car accident. Heartbroken to find out he had gambled away everything they had, she moves to her sister-in-law’s Midwest home to rebuild her life. A trip to the local Renaissance Faire with her nieces leads to a summer job as a costumed storyteller.
Avowed bad boy and fair performer Gage Youngblood is infatuated with Connie at first sight. Despite his deliberately commitment-free life, and Connie’s don’t-touch-me attitude, he soon has her in his arms, realizing quickly she is also in his heart.
When she is threatened by her late husband’s bookie, he steps into the role of protector, his fate forever sealed with hers.
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