Back in the Saddle

Horse and rider looking at the mountainsBack in the saddle.

Maybe. I don’t have a horse. Not even sure I know how to ride one.  Be that as it may…

It’s been a long year.  Really, a long 18 months.  So much in my life has changed in this time, that I really do feel like I’ve lost myself somewhere. My marriage is over, I’m living life as a single mom again, I’m working working working to keep busy, plus pay the bills, and it is just my youngest daughter and I trying to conquer the world.  Not the life I had seen in all those times I gazed into the future.

I think I kept things together pretty well the first six months or so.  But the last year…it’s just been a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of tears, a lot of reorganizing my life and my house and my finances, and a lot of helping my teenager navigate our new normal. That last thing takes the most effort, and as a mom, I have put myself on the back burner a lot. I don’t regret that, but I do miss me.  The me that could get through to-do lists like a champ, who could always see the happy in the darkness, who could always find a way to get through.  I am still here, so I guess I’ve still got that last thing going for me.

But with a new year comes new resolutions, and I set them just like everyone else.  But this year, those resolutions were a very short list.

1. Stop finding a reason to cry about something every day.

2. Get back in front of the keyboard and finish something already!

Today is January 7th, and I’ve got the first thing under control. So far so good. Not that it hasn’t taken a great amount of effort, but this is a chapter of my book that I need to close. Looking backward is only useful to assess your history and plan an how you will use your future.  Beyond that, it is time to stop staring at what is gone.

That second thing…

That takes some real guts, and ambition. I have struggled so much to get that second novel finished. I’ve stretched myself so thin in other ways. I still have my side/second business in addition to my day job, and I won’t be giving that up. That side work will help me fund my retirement, which, while still 8 years away, is close enough for me to be paying much more attention to.  I started a craft business last year, mostly doing shows, but have an Etsy shop. The crafting, for me, is very zen.  I can sit in front of my sewing machine for hours, working on projects, ripping out mis-sewn seams, and get up from that feeling refreshed and whole. While it hasn’t been a huge success, yet, I am enjoying it, and again, it will be something I can do in my retirement.

But the stories in my head deserve to be out on paper (or screen, as the case may be) and it’s time for me to devote as much time to that as I do to the crafting. And it isn’t going to get done unless I sit in front of the keyboard and get things written. How I do that other than to sit down and write, I don’t know. I still am not in a position to write every day, but writing once a month isn’t going to cut it either.  LOL

But since I only have two resolutions, I should be able to do this, right? I did it before, and Fairest of the Faire is something I’m really proud of.  I need to feel that pride again. It’s time for me to turn this completed chapter of my life, and get back to work.

What are your new year’s resolutions?  I’d love to hear them!